1 Bad MOFO

Not trying to be vulgar, but that's just what it is...

Yesterday I missed the start of the race at Vulture's Knob, in Wooster, Ohio, but i did manage to track down Mr. Davis after riding a 1/2 lap, and rode the last lap with him pulling me along. After the 'real' race was over Dr. Groovy had an outstanding single speed event. 20 brave souls signed up for 3 laps on the kiddie course to decide how would be the winner of the First Annual Bad @$$ Mofo Single Speed Classic race.

3 Laps would simply be just another race...what's the fun in that...of course, there was more. At the start of the race, each competitor was spun around (eyes closed) in place by a volunteer, then it was a mad dash to the bikes parked 50 yards away. I thought I was doing well, but the next thing I know I saw all green and ended up rolling a few times before mounting my machine. I must have rolled faster than most were running and entered the woods in 5th. During each lap you were required to yell "Booo-Yah!" everytime you passed a balloon marking the kids course, and every lap the kids were throwing water balloons, grass, and other odds and ends at us.

Upon the conclusion of the first lap we had to stop and eat 4 sugar coated doughnuts, and a can of Monster. I put the first doughnut in my mouth and it instantly felt like I'd had cotton mouth for a week. I realized the value of the Monster as not only a lubricant, but also as a doughnut mush maker. After the second, I realized the best thing to do was stick the whole donut in my mouth and take a big swig of monster to turn sweet dusty sand and dough into a sugar mash that I could swallow quite quickly. My revelation got me into the woods on lap 2 with a clean line of sight in front of me. Upon completion of lap 2, there were 2 banana peppers and about a quarter cup of its juice waiting for me. We are all still trying to eat all this crap while gasping for air and heartrates buzzing like hummingbirds. Don't even think of puking or you are disqualified!

In the end victory was captured. On my way to the podium, I smashed a beer can on my head and thrust fists in the air. It just felt like the right thing to do. I get to keep the trophy for a year, then it goes to next years winner with each successive winners name affixed to the trophy on an engraved steel placard. Good times by all. The Knob crew puts on a heckova show!